Ever met someone who always needs to be the centre of attention? Or maybe you’ve caught yourself playing that role? Attention-seeking behaviour isn't just ‘being dramatic’, it often points to deeper emotional needs or unaddressed psychological struggles.
Are You Just Expressive Or an Attention Seeker in Disguise?
It’s perfectly normal to want a little attention now and then. A compliment here, a bit of reassurance there, after all, we’re social beings.
But when the need for attention turns into a constant craving, especially when it starts disrupting your relationships or daily life, it may be more than just being expressive. This is where attention‑seeking behaviour (sometimes called attention‑seeking syndrome) comes in.
You might notice it showing up in ways like:
Playing up personal problems to gain sympathy
Interrupting or steering conversations to stay in the spotlight
Oversharing on social media in ways that feel performative
Reacting dramatically to minor inconveniences or situations
These patterns don’t always mean something is wrong, but they can be a red flag. Learning to distinguish between healthy expression and attention-seeking behaviour is the first step toward building stronger, more balanced relationships with others and yourself.
Spotting the Signs of Attention Seeking in Adults Is Easier Than You Think
Some signs are loud and obvious. Others? Not so much. But once you start noticing the patterns, it becomes easier to tell when someone’s genuinely expressing themselves and when they’re constantly chasing the spotlight.
Let’s break down a few common signs:
1. Everything’s a big deal
You’ll notice they tend to react emotionally, crying at the drop of a hat, getting easily offended, or even creating drama over something small. It’s often less about the situation and more about getting people to notice them.
2. Always fishing for compliments
They’ll ask things like ‘Do I look okay in this?' even if they already know they do. Or they’ll casually bring up achievements just to hear some praise in return.
3. Oversharing in weird settings
We all love a good heart-to-heart, but when someone drops super personal details in a casual group chat or a work meeting, it might be more about grabbing attention than sharing feelings.
4. The ‘I’ve got a better story’ person
No matter what you say, they’ve done something crazier, had it worse, or been through more. It can feel more like a competition than a conversation.
The Psychology Behind Attention-Seeking Behaviour: What Causes It?
There’s more than one reason why someone becomes an attention seeker. Most often, it’s not about being selfish; it’s about being unseen.
1. Unmet Emotional Needs in Childhood
Suppose a child grows up feeling emotionally neglected, whether through inconsistent affection, lack of praise, or being overshadowed. In that case, they may internalise a harmful belief: I must earn love to deserve it.
As adults, these early emotional gaps can manifest in subtle or exaggerated ways, through storytelling, performance, or even oversharing, to stay visible in a room.
In therapy, the experts often associate these patterns with early attachment experiences. Identifying those childhood wounds is a crucial step in healing adult behaviours.
2. Low Self-Esteem and the ‘Performance for Approval’ Loop
Many adults who seek constant validation aren’t narcissistic; they’re insecure. They’ve learned to perform for approval because they’re unsure if they’re enough just as they are.
They might over-explain themselves, ask for repeated reassurance, or try to dominate conversations, not out of ego, but out of fear. Fear of being overlooked. Fear of not mattering.
In therapy, the therapeutic work focuses on building self-worth that isn’t dependent on applause.
3. Personality Disorders and Emotional Dysregulation
In some cases, attention-seeking behaviour is linked to certain personality disorders, similar to patterns seen in persecutory delusions.
For example:
Histrionic Personality Disorder involves dramatic expressions and a constant need to be the centre of attention.
Borderline Personality Disorder may trigger intense emotional reactions and frantic efforts to avoid being ignored or abandoned.
In therapy, not every person who seeks attention has a disorder. And not everyone with a disorder seeks attention in disruptive ways.
Diagnosing and supporting personality-related challenges should only be done by licensed professionals. That’s where personalised, judgment-free therapy becomes essential.
4. The Social Media Effect: When Likes Become Emotional Currency
Let’s not underestimate this one. We live in a world where your worth can feel tied to how many likes, shares, or views you get.
The dopamine hit from online validation can turn into a habit. Oversharing personal struggles, posting every detail of your life, or exaggerating stories online can start as an innocent connection and slowly morph into emotional dependency.
In therapy, over time, this can blur the line between genuine expression and attention performance.
How Attention‑Seeking Behaviour Affects Relationships and Mental Health
1. Relationship Strain
Healthy relationships depend on balance and mutual care. But when one person constantly seeks attention through drama, exaggeration, or emotional outbursts, it can wear others down. Friends, partners, or family may feel:
Emotionally exhausted
Manipulated or guilted into reacting
Distant, unsure how to respond without triggering more drama
Over time, this imbalance weakens emotional connection and can push people away, ultimately leading to loneliness, the very thing the person fears most.
2. Mental Health Effects
Underneath the behaviour is often a deep emotional struggle. Many attention-seekers deal with:
Low self-esteem, relying on external validation to feel worthy
Anxiety, especially around being ignored or left out
Depression, worsened by social rejection or failed attempts to connect
This creates a loop: the more they seek attention, the less genuine they feel about being seen.
3. Long-Term Consequences
If left unaddressed, attention-seeking behaviour can lead to:
Isolation from strained relationships
Chronic emotional burnout
Worsening mental health symptoms like anxiety or hopelessness
Therapy can help break this cycle, offering tools to build self-worth and connect more authentically with others.
Here’s What Actually Works (And What Doesn’t)
Attention-seeking behaviour isn’t something you can simply ‘snap out of.’ It’s not about being dramatic or needy. It’s usually rooted in deeper emotional patterns that deserve compassion, not criticism. The good news? With the proper support and tools, real change is possible.
1. Talk Therapy That Gets to the Root
Whether it’s Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), or psychodynamic therapy, working with a trained therapist can help you:
Identify emotional triggers.
Challenge unhelpful thought patterns.
Explore the deeper reasons behind your need for attention.
Learn healthier, more secure ways to connect with others.
These aren’t quick fixes, but over time, therapy builds emotional resilience and self-trust.
2. Building Self-Awareness
Understanding why you react the way you do is a powerful first step. Tools like:
Journaling
Guided reflection exercises
Mindfulness practices
These can help you spot the patterns and emotional needs hiding beneath the surface. Many people discover they’re not seeking attention, they’re seeking connection, safety, or self-worth.
3. Emotional Regulation Skills
Sometimes, the urge to get a reaction from others comes from feeling overwhelmed by your own emotions. Emotional regulation teaches you how to:
Pause before reacting.
Sit with uncomfortable feelings.
Express yourself in ways that are clear, calm, and constructive.
Over time, this helps reduce the emotional ‘spikes’ that often drive attention-seeking behaviour.
Attention-Seeking ≠ Bad Person. Let’s Break the Stigma
Let’s rethink the label. If someone constantly seeks attention, it doesn’t mean they’re manipulative or selfish. In most cases, it means they’ve spent years feeling invisible.
These behaviours often begin in childhood, shaped by inconsistent affection, emotional neglect, or a belief that love must be earned. Over time, attention-seeking behaviour becomes a way to feel seen. What looks like ‘being too much’ is often a quiet cry for connection.
But here’s the good news: this isn’t a fixed trait. With the right support, these patterns can shift.
What truly helps:
Therapy that builds emotional safety and self-worth.
Support systems that encourage genuine connection.
Small, steady behavioural changes guided by self-awareness.
Real healing starts when we stop shaming the behaviour and start understanding it.
Attention Isn’t the Problem. Disconnection Is.
Let’s reframe this: seeking attention isn’t a weakness, it’s a need. Every human being wants to feel noticed, appreciated, and emotionally connected. The issue only arises when that need becomes so overwhelming that it disrupts relationships or leads to emotional distress.
If you find yourself:
Constantly worried about being ignored.
Trying hard to impress, exaggerate, or please.
Feeling invisible unless you “perform” your emotions.
It’s not attention you’re seeking; it’s connection, safety, and inner peace. That’s where the role of a mental health professional becomes invaluable. They can help you:
Understand where this need is coming from.
Build more secure, stable emotional habits.
Learn how to connect with others in ways that feel safe, mutual, and nourishing.
You don’t need to earn love. You don’t need to put on a show to be worthy of care.
You just need a space where being yourself feels like enough, and help is closer than you think.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not replace professional medical advice. If you or someone you know is struggling with emotional regulation or mental health concerns, consider speaking with a licensed therapist or healthcare provider.
