You’re scrolling through your phone, trying to laugh at memes your cousin sent, when a memory sneaks in—uninvited.
A favourite dish they made, a song they loved, or their face when you didn’t pick up a call on time. It hits like a wave, doesn’t it?
You’re not alone in this—71% of people feel their deepest grief within a year of losing someone. Let’s talk about how to navigate through your grief.
What is Grief?
Grief is a deeply personal response to loss, reflecting the emotional weight of what someone meant to you or the role they played in your life. It isn’t limited to losing a loved one—grief can arise from a breakup, losing a job, or even the passing of a beloved pet.
It’s not just sadness; it can bring anger, confusion, guilt, or even moments of relief. This emotional spectrum is entirely natural. By recognising that grief isn’t tied solely to one type of loss, you give yourself permission to feel and process it, no matter its source.
Grief is your mind’s way of adapting to a life that feels suddenly unfamiliar.
The Stages of Grief
The stages of grief, first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, describe the common emotional responses people may experience after a loss. These stages are not linear, and not everyone will go through all of them or in the same order.
1. Denial
This is a protective mechanism where the mind struggles to accept the reality of the loss. It may manifest as disbelief or numbness, giving you time to process the overwhelming situation.
2. Anger
As the reality sets in, frustration or resentment may emerge. Anger can be directed at yourself, others, or even the person who has been lost.
3. Bargaining
A phase marked by "what if" or "if only" thoughts. This is an attempt to regain a sense of control or prevent further pain.
4. Depression
When the weight of the loss is fully felt, sadness, hopelessness, or withdrawal may dominate. This stage reflects the depth of your emotions.
5. Acceptance
Reaching a point of acknowledging the loss and beginning to adapt. Acceptance doesn’t mean "getting over it," but finding ways to move forward.
Keep in Mind: Grief doesn’t follow a predictable path. You might find yourself revisiting certain emotions, skipping others entirely, or feeling several at once. This process is deeply individual, and there’s no set way to experience or express it. Give yourself the freedom to feel whatever surfaces, without judgment or expectation.
Finding Balance in the Storm: Practical Ways to Cope with Grief
Grieving is hard, and no one solution fits all. But some strategies can help you navigate this emotional turmoil and find moments of peace. Below are some relatable approaches to managing grief.
1. Let the tears flow, but don’t bottle up inside
Suppressing emotions can be like shaking a soda bottle—eventually, it will burst. Whether it’s crying, writing, or talking to someone you trust, expressing your feelings can be a huge relief. If someone tells you to "be strong," remember: strength lies in vulnerability too.
2. Lean on your people
Your friends and family may not always have the perfect words, but their presence can be comforting. If words fail, even small gestures—a shared chai, a walk, or just sitting in silence—can make you feel less alone. If the support you need isn’t there, grief groups or therapy are great options.
3. Distract, don’t disconnect
When grief feels overwhelming, doing something familiar—like cooking, gardening, or even binge-watching your favorite comedy—can offer a temporary escape. It’s not avoidance; it’s giving your mind a breather.
4. Laugh—even if it feels wrong
Find humor wherever you can, even if it feels inappropriate. Watch a cringe comedy or share absurd memories about the person you lost. Grief and laughter can coexist, and finding moments of levity doesn’t mean you’re “forgetting” them.
5. Create a “grief ritual” that’s yours
Light a candle every evening, plant a tree in their memory, or keep a small token of theirs in your pocket. A personal ritual gives your emotions a tangible outlet and creates a sense of continuity.
6. Change your surroundings, even for a day
Grief can feel suffocating when you’re surrounded by constant reminders of your loss. Spend a weekend at a friend’s place, take a short trip, or just rearrange your living space. A shift in scenery can give your mind some breathing room.
7. Talk to strangers who get it
Sometimes, friends and family don’t have the emotional bandwidth to truly understand. Join an online forum, or a grief group, or even engage with content creators who share their journeys through loss. Strangers can offer surprising comfort when they’ve walked a similar path.
8. Keep “temporary escapes” handy
Stock up on small distractions that calm you—puzzles, silly mobile games, or even reorganising a messy drawer. These don’t fix grief but can be a lifeline during particularly rough moments.
9. Revisit what grounds you
For some, prayer or meditation offers solace. For others, journaling or revisiting fond memories through photos can feel grounding. It’s not about “moving on” but reconnecting with yourself.
10. Listen to your body
Grief can be exhausting—physically and emotionally. Sleep in if you need to, or take short walks to reset. Your body is grieving too, and nurturing it with rest, good food, and movement can help.
Carry Grief, Don’t Let it Carry You
Grief doesn’t have a finish line, but it doesn’t have to consume you either. It’s a part of life’s story—your story—woven into who you are. Allow yourself to feel, to stumble, and to rebuild in your own way and time. Reach out when it feels too heavy; support is closer than you think, whether from friends, professionals, or even strangers who understand.
Remember, emotional healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning to carry the memories with a little less pain. Take it one moment at a time, celebrate small wins, and trust that it’s okay to live again. Grief shapes you, but it doesn’t define you. You’re allowed to find light even in the shadows.
